We can’t choose where we love, can we?
No, nor can we choose what happens when we do."
Mrs Turner and Sr Evangeline, Call the Midwife 3x05
1. “I’m sorry, but can’t you see I’m in love with someone else?”
2. “I’m sorry, you know I have a type, and you’re not just one of them.”
3. “I’m sorry, I know I have been really friendly to you that’s already bordering on flirting, but I really just want to be friends with you.”
4. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to give me a chance to reciprocate. I’m migrating out of the country soon.”
5. “I’m sorry your mess ended up with the bigger mess I am in. I’m sorry but you already know the protocol of rejection, right? Let’s skip the hard part and let’s move on.”
Leland dela Cruz
Let’s say you like five people. Let’s call them A, B, C, D, and E. When I mean “like,” let’s use the teenage meaning. “Like” as in “with the intention of being more than friends,” “I enjoy your company so much and it excites me that we have a lot in common,” “I wanna make out with you,” or “I think I’m bordering on loving you.”
Let’s be clear: you don’t rank them. No one takes precedence over your heart. You like them at equal degrees but for different reasons, with feelings that are across dimensions. They don’t compete for space.
Do you think that’s possible?
Okay, now imagine letting go of A. Okay, there’s still four right?
Now let go of B.
And yes, D.
What about E? Surely E’s the one.
No, let go of E.
Can you imagine letting go of five people you hold dear?
You have no intention of pursuing your emotions for various reasons, such as:
(A) they have said no after you’ve confessed
(B) they are sure to say no once you’ve confessed
(C) the situation is just to o complicated that you would rather keep the good friendship rather than jeopardize it
But for all of them, there’s something common.
You know they will be happier with someone else. It does not mean that they would not be happy if they were with you.
But they confide their secrets in you, and you know that they like someone else. And you know that if they get together with that someone else, it would mean the world to them.
They don’t have to know they like you (for cases B and C, that is).
But you like them so much that their happiness is your only concern, and as a good friend you do your best to achieve that happiness. You listen to their love problems, you give advice to such problems, you fight for that love even. You support them along the way - crying shoulder, listening ear, life coach.
But again, they don’t have to know they like you. You’ve made the choice to let them go. Let them be free because it is the best choice for them, for you, for the universal order of the cosmos.
And then you just wish that someday, you will learn to love without setting your beloved free.
You don’t regret the decisions you have made, but sometimes you realize that you need to leave something for yourself after giving everything you can away.
You may occasionally curse the world for being at the wrong end of the stick, but then you remember that the choices you have made were in complete freedom and you accept full responsibility.
But you vainly wish that the next person, F, would not be like A, B, C, D, or E. You continue to hope, not because there’s no other way, but because it is the only choice that can make you free. A kind of freedom that allows you to love fully when that “right person” comes along.
And so life goes on.
Ellen has been waiting to make that joke since fob came back
… a loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one’s work, and of devotion to duty; and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart"
Camus, “The Plague”