Sometimes it’s better to let go of things and just be crazy. Love this song by Hunter Hayes
Posted: 05/01/2013 12:00 pm EDT | Updated: 05/01/2013 2:25 pm EDT
By Roland C. Warren
I am often asked what sons need from their fathers . My answer really boils down to a few simple but critical things that every good dad must do, built on a framework of providing, nurturing and guiding.
But here’s the problem: Too often, fathers think they’re doing a better job in these areas than they really are. I’ve found that these four questions, though, can help a father ensure he’s giving his son the fundamental things he needs. (And if a child’s father is not in the picture, his mother can use these questions as a guide to help her find male role models who can give her son these kinds of affirmation.)
“Does my son know that he matters to me?”
We invest — money, time and energy — in the things we care about. In other words, if you ever want to know what someone cares about, look at their bank statement or ask them how they spent their time.
The primary way that dads can help their boys understand that they matter is by making them a priority over the myriad demands that life throws at us. With many things competing for a dad’s money, time and energy — our jobs, technology, entertainment, sports, television — it is easy for a child to think that he doesn’t matter. It is critical that dads make it clear to their sons that they are a priority, that our most important investment is in them and that all the other “stuff” gets only the leftovers.
“Does my son know that I love him?”
Nurturing means a lot of things. It certainly includes hugging and kissing our boys — yes, even boys need hugs and kisses — on a daily basis and telling them that we love them. But it also includes taking care of their daily needs, like cooking for them, giving them baths, playing with them, reading to them and helping their mothers.
And I have discovered that despite the conventional wisdom that nurturing is primarily mom’s territory, the root meaning of “nurture” is “to protect” — a role that most dads are comfortable with.
“Does my son know that what he does is important to me?”
A son wants to know that the way he is living his life — his interests, schoolwork, hobbies and passions — is pleasing to his father. And, as a good dad, it is critical for a father to guide his son into right actions and help him live a life centered on serving others.
However, you can’t expect to teach a son the value of charity if you are not charitable in how you spend time with him. You can’t expect to get him interested in your church’s community-service project if you haven’t established a “community” that includes him in your home.
Show him that everything he does is important to you, and then you can show him what is really important — and he will welcome it.
“Does my son know how proud I am of him?”
This boils down to a son’s innate need to be affirmed by his father. Your affirmation prepares your son to enter the world with the confidence and “emotional armor” that he needs in order not just to survive, but to thrive. A son needs to know that you are pleased with him, not for what he does or does not do, but because of who he is.
And remember that the way a father affirms his son depends on things like his culture and community and his son’s temperament and interests. The objective of affirmation is to meet a son at his particular point of need and to connect with him — heart to heart. Indeed, there is no cookie-cutter approach to affirmation. One boy may simply need an encouraging word at the right time. A special breakfast out with dad may be what another son needs. A formal ceremony or rite of passage might fit certain cultures and situations.
But what all of these acts of affirmation, big and small, communicate to your son is that you are his advocate and that your love is abiding and unconditional.
Roland Warren is a board member (and former president) of the National Fatherhood Initiative . He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
(Source: The Huffington Post)
And when he watered the flower for the first time, and prepared to place her under the shelter of her glass globe, he realized that he was very close to tears.
“Goodbye,” he said to the flower.
But she made no answer.
“Goodbye,” he said again.
The flower coughed. But it was not because she had a cold.
“I have been silly,” she said to him, at last. “I ask your forgiveness. Try to be happy…”
He was surprised by this absence of reproaches. He stood there all bewildered, the glass globe held arrested in mid-air. He did not understand this quiet sweetness.
“Of course I love you,” the flower said to him. “It is my fault that you have not known it all the while. That is of no importance. But you - you have been just as foolish as I. Try to be happy… Let the glass globe be. I don’t want it any more.”
“Don’t linger like this. You have decided to go away. Now go!”
For she did not want him to see her crying. She was such a proud flower…
favourite merlin scenes → 10//∞
THIS. summarizes the whole series of “Merlin” hahaha. Awesome finale
Max Scheler, The Nature of Sympathy
Note: This was a blog draft I wrote on January 22, 2013 but for some reason I forgot to post it here. I’m posting this now not because I want to post an open letter about (and perhaps to) the person but because it’s been more than a month that I’ve realized that I don’t like her anymore. It takes courage to move on from the same person twice but I hope this letter is to remind myself that I must not go back the same path twice over.
Funny how I’ve never talked about you in any of my blog posts and yet it is you who mattered the most among all the people I have ever fallen in love with. Well, I hope you never read this but despite the risk of you actually reading so, I will still show this letter to the world anyway.
Look, I’ve fallen in love with you… again. I know, it took a lot of effort to get out of that infatuation many months ago and I was successful at first. It took a lot of crying myself to sleep, avoiding the places in school where you’d most probably be, and trying to forget your face or your voice. That is, after my heart went empty again did I realize that after all of that forgetting, all I ever did was to bury you, and as my heart eroded did I realize that you never left, and the image of your corpse in my mind resuscitated and once again you have filled my thoughts and my feelings.
I don’t want to fall in love with you again. I don’t want to get hurt again, because I knew that from the first day I can never have you. I can never be with you for many reasons that I know because you have enumerated them on many occasions, including the day when I confessed to you.
You were too friendly to me, I guess. Of the thousands of friends that I have, you were the only person who ever made me feel that I am a person worth loving, that I didn’t have to prove to others the things I am capable of. You tolerated all my whims and all my irrationalities. You made me break down all my walls and exposed me to who I really am because you made me comfortable in your company. You were the only one who could ever make me feel it’s okay for me to be human, to make mistakes and stop pretending to be someone I’m not just to please the world. You’re beautiful. I listen to people and oh, if you only knew how many people have huge crushes on you. You have that perfect smile – innocent and sweet with eyes that glisten and a soul that exudes care to complete the package.
You were too friendly to me; too friendly that your actions seemed to have already crossed the line of friendship that they felt like romantic gestures. What was missing from it all was your lack of validation for the intimacy. It wasn’t intimate, you said, it was just you just being friendly.
You have to realize that I have had no experience in anything remotely romantic before that week where we became extremely close. I invited you to hang out in school one day, but you’ve stretched the invitation and we went out to lunch instead – no other companions, just the two of us. It felt like a date but I think we both knew it wasn’t a date. I could see the waiters looking at us (who, by the way, were the only two people in that large restaurant at that time) and I can read their minds as if they are about to ask if we are going out together.
I can still remember when you finally revealed to me the guy that you have been in love with for so long – your one and only. It shattered my heart to a million pieces because it was that moment when I was planning to finally confess to you. I still did, even if I knew I could never compare myself to that guy. Oh, if he only knew how much you loved him, he wouldn’t even hesitate to accept your love.
I remember you said nothing angry when I confessed. You didn’t run away – in fact, you said that it was okay. I was taken aback by the response because I know that usually people run away and things become awkward from that moment on. It never happened with us. You continued to be friendly to me, as if nothing changed.
My friends would call you naïve for sending me all those mixed signals, I may call you stupid for leading me on to something that doesn’t even exist, but I now realize that perhaps what you did by accepting my love even without reciprocating is a sign of maturity. You act childish or awkward around people. You are even shy in public. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t know how to respond maturely. You didn’t make things harder for me in the sense that I would have to deal with a rift in friendship.
I think in a way, you’ve made it easier for me to cope; by giving me the assurance that despite my hopeless love for you, you will still continue to be my friend. Believe me when I say that I, too, want us to be friends. However, I have to fully accept in my heart that I can never have you. My mind knows that, but my heart is still with you. It’s a long and painful journey once more but if I am to get out of this mess, I have to go through this hell. I don’t want you to know because I don’t want you to see me suffering because of you, because I don’t want you to adjust because you never did anything wrong in the first place and I find it unfair that you have to change yourself. This is an internal problem, and I hope to resolve it soon.
Until then, I’m sorry if I bash you around my friends. I’m sorry if I try to avoid you. I’m sorry if I can’t keep up a minute’s conversation with you. It’s my way of coping, my way of conditioning to not treat you with feelings that are more than friendship. You’ll always have a special place in my heart, and you will always be the one who is but can never be.
With all my strength,
I never knew what your love could do
I blew it all away
Thought I could satisfy the yearning of my
Heart shaped hole on hold for you
I find it peaceful to close doors from the past and open new ones to the future. For the longest time I have been begging unwanted guests to leave, only to realize after some time that it was me who needed to walk away from my own past.
It’s not the wounds and the pain that I keep but the scars that remind me that I was once (or twice, or thrice…) hurt. Nonetheless, I feel stronger, better, and more prepared. I can’t ascertain that the next milestone in my still non-existent love life will not be full of hurt, but at least I will be able to guard myself better.